HUMANS IN EQUESTRIA!
by StupidSequel
Summary: Wheatley convinces Chell to jump into the pit and she lands into Equestria. It is also Pinkie Pie's birthday but no one else wants to go to her party because they dislike humans. Pinkie decides just her and Chell are not enough, so she makes a bunch of Chell copies, who are seeking the boy bands, boyfriend, parents, and three portal device Wheatley promised, stopping at nothing.


**HUMANS IN EQUESTRIA!**

A My Little Pony/Portal 2 crossover based on a short comic I found and also inspired by Too Many Pinkie Pies.

"Well, this is the part where he kills us," PotatOS said. Chell landed on a platform greeted by Wheatley, who was hiding behind a telescreen, 1984 style.

"Hello. This is the part where I kill you."

Yadda yadda...

"A 3 portal device. And boys. And a boy band. You like One Direction, don't you?" Wheatley was on his 'jump into the pit' spiel. Chell nodded. "Wow, you really do have brain damage if you like those boy bands. And what's this? A pony farm. Just jump into the pit." Chell shrugged and jumped into the pit. Down, down, down she went.

Applejack was going about her daily business when she heard a thud. Chell had landed in Equestria. _So there IS a pony farm down here. Don't see any One Direction or three Portal devices, but I do love ponies. _Applejack rubbed her eyes in disbelief. "WHAT. IS. THIS. THING?" Fluttershy went over to see what all the hubbub was about. Being her friend to all living things self, she cuddled herself against Chell.

"I don't know what you are, but I love you." Chell spoke for the very first time in over nine nine nine...

"My name is Chell and I came from the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I am a human."

"HUMAN? I thought they were just an urban legend. Humans are real?" Applejack gasped.

Twilight came to the scene. "Oh my Celestia! I'd better alert everyone! This is bad!"

"What? Why?" Fluttershy was confused.

"Have you seen the kind of dire things humans do to each other and the planet? They caused global warming. They fight pointless wars. They care more about material things than about animals. They let money and power go to their heads. Some of them are evil enough to torture a little girl for ten hours and then light her on fire, being left 4 dead! The list goes on and on."

"Us ponies are pure and unaffected by sin. Therefore, humans are not welcome here. Bye."

Fluttershy cried. "I like her. She seems so nice."

"Yeah. Until she builds one of her machines that releases a ton of carbon in the air, melting all the glaciers."

Pinkie Pie was off at a party by herself. There was a knock at the door. It was Rainbow Dash.

"Rumor has it that the first human ever to set foot into Equestria has."

The two raced over to where Chell was.

"Hey human, wanna come to my party?" Pinkie asked. Chell nodded. Her nodding made a sound effect.

Chell was now at Pinkie Pie's B-day party.

"Pinkie Pie, sorry I'm late to you party of- WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?" Twilight gasped. "HUMANS ARE SUCK! I used to have a ton of respect for you but then I took a wumpus to the grumpus." The mane cast looked at Pinkie Pie with angry eyes, except Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy, come on! You're not allowed to have your own opinion."

"Okay," Fluttershy said in the same volume she cheers "yay." It was just Chell and Pinkie Pie.

"We can't have a party with only two entities, and none of the mane 6 wanna join us. Oh, I have an idea!"

Pinkie Pie led Chell over to the lake where she made copies of herself in "Too Many Pinkie Pies." Pinkie Pie was about to go in, then remembered what happened in too many pinkie pies. So she pushed Chell in.

Eventually the Chell copies made other Chell copies, and now there were too many Chells, each one dumber than the last.

Pinkie led the Chells back to her house.

"Now we can PAR-TAY!" Pinkie downed an entire keg of beer in one sitting and became drunk. The Chells scratched their heads in confusion. One of the Chells grabbed the pool stick, thinking it was some kind of crudely made portal gun. She aimed it at a wall. No effect.

"Come on, let's play some pool," Pinkie called.

_Pool, huh? _One of the Chells stripped into a bikini, stood on the edge of the pool table, and did a front flip, and landed onto hard green stuff. It hurt. A lot. More Chells showed up.

"Oh no. WHAT HAVE I DONE? My birthday is ruined!" Pinkie shouted. There were so many Chells in Pinkie's house that the walls came apart and her house became a big pile of destroy.

"I can't let Twilight or any of her bitchazz friends know that I'm harboring a bunch of Chells. I have to hide them."

Twilight and the gang minus Pinkie Pie were visiting a hobby train shop because for some reason they had a hunch that Pinkie Pie might like a model train set in her house.

Pinkie Pie's DumbPhone rang. She hesitantly picked it up. It was Twilight.

"Pinkie, we're sorry we ditched your party. You know, since that wretched human finally decided to leave."

Pinkie's heart skipped seventeen beats. She knew it was just her catching a glimpse of one of the Chells walking through the forest.

"We're coming over to your house right now to wish you a happy birthday and to buy you a present."

Pinkie didn't have much time to hide the 500+ Chells somewhere AND think of a lie to tell her friends about how her home got destroyed.

"Gotta go. I, uh, have to make cupcakes." Pinkie hung up.

No matter how hard she tried, getting the Chells to stay together in a queue was harder than she realized. Pinkie had an idea. She sewed their mouths to the next one's anus to make a Chell centipede. Now they HAD to stay together.

"Oh Spike, thank science you're here. I need to mail something to the princess." Twilight then pointed to the Chell centipede. Spike mailed the Chell centipede to Celestia.

"Good. Now no one will ever know I was harboring illegal immigrants."

"Oh, I'm telling on you." Spike threatened.

"Oh no you DON'T!" Pinkie got out a pen from hammerspace. "Dear Princess Celestia," she chiseled into Spike's back. He screamed in agony. "I learned that lying is bad and… and… you shouldn't do it because it's a bad thing to do. Yours truly, Pinke Pie." Spike was mailed to Celestia. "Ha ha. Now all I have left to do is lie about how my house was destroyed."

The rest of the mane cast minus Pinkie were at the remains of Pinkie Pie's home. Applejack was carrying a huge present on her back.

"Pinkie, we have an awesome present for you we think you will like- What in tarnation's God's name happened here?" Applejack demanded. Pinkie realized she didn't have a story prepared just yet.

"Um, um, well… I ATE IT CUZ I WAS HUNGRY!" Pinkie face palmed at her own sentence. It was the worst lie ever but it was all she could think of.

Meanwhile, at Celestia's castle…

Celestia used her magic to free them.

"Oh my God, HUMANS!" She thought it was a screaming centipede at first that was tired of being intact.

"Three portal device. One Direction, boyfriend, parents, PONIES!" The Chells chanted over and over again like brain dead zombies.

"What?" Celestia was confused.

"We want those things or we destroy your pony universe." One of the Chells demanded.

"Destroy Equestria. DESTROY!" The Chells began gobbling up everything that wasn't either a pony, One Direction, a three Portal device, or her parents, and then chanted the last things I typed over and over in a zombie like fashion.

"We don't have any of those things on this planet, do we? Well, obviously we have ponies." The mane 6 were conversing among themselves.

"We should make those stuff if there are none."

Since there was only three or four male ponies on the entire planet (they been everywhere, mare, looking for someone) making a boy band called One Direction was hard. "Finding young mares is so hard."

"I can't help but overhear you need a boyband but there's a lack of young mares in this gosh forsaken heckhole." It was Dr. Hooves.

"Yes."

"Well, I can give one of you a sex change operation to make you male."

"I'll do it." Rainbowdash offered. Why Rainbowdash? Because I keep almost accidentally calling her a male, so this would save so much agony later on down the road.

"BRB," Applejack said.

She went over to her own house. "Hey Applebloom, remember when Babs Seed was a bully to you?"

"Yes, but I have forgiven her."

"Are you sure? I think giving her a sex change operation would be pretty sweet revenge."

"Are you feeling okay?" Applebloom was concerned.

"Darn, gotta go get Twilight." Applejack whispered.

Twilight and Applejack were now at da house. There was Babs Seed too. Twilight cast a mind control spell on Babs. She made Babs grab a rifle, cock it, and shoot Applebloom with it.

"OW, that hurts!" Applebloom cried.

"What's that you said about having forgiven Babs?" Applejack teased.

"Do whatever the x*** you want with Babs. I unforgive her now!"

"Good," Twilight said in a seductive tone.

Babs and Rainbowdash were now transgendered ponies. Two down, three more to go.

Rarity was unwilling, but Twilight's mind control spell made things easier. Applejack readily jumped right in.

"I just remembered, since Spike is a male by default, he won't need such an operation." Twilight looked all around. "Where is Spike? Oh well. I have a back-up plan. I will also become transgendered." 5 male ponies. Now they could form a boy band and call themselves One Direction.

"We will call ourselves One Direction. And we need not worry about copyright infringement on the name because there is no One Direction in this universe because the author is forbidden to include them because they are real people."

The Chells jumped up and down and squeed in excitement when they ate their way to a performance of the transgendered ponies singing a song about being overwhelmed by someone flipping their hair.

"Okay, they've met One Direction. Okay, a boyfriend."

Big Mac kissed Chell on the lips. Chell blushed.

"Okay. Now a three portal device."

The mane 6 went to see Zecora.

"I want you to make us a three portal device."

"I am a gypsy, not a factory. And three portal device? Bunch of quackery."

"You suck Zecora! C'mon, let's pirate one using a 3D printer."

Off to the Speed School of Engineering, which has a 3D printer. They made the shell of the 3 portal device, and Twilight used her Green Lantern magic to make its inner workings.

"Finally they have to meet their parents. Gee, that's gonna be a tough one."

Meanwhile, in Aperture, Atlas and P-Body were on the platform before Wheatley.

"Just jump into the God damn pit!" So they did.

The two robots fell into Equestria. Or what was left of it. The Chells ate a large part of the pony planet.

Twilight gave them a black translator box, held out a piece of bacon wrapped bacon, and whispered stuff in their little fake robot ears. They nodded.

"Chell. We are your real parents. You were not adopted. We love you and wanna take. Um, which one of you is the real Chell?" Good question.

"I am."

"No, I AM!" Every Chell claimed themselves to be the real Chell.

"Since I can't trust any of you, I will hold a contest since I believe Chell is a determinator, coming from afar." There was a large velvet beige cover over something large. Twilight uncovered it. "This is the three portal device. Each Chell will put one hand on it, and whoever takes their hand off of it will be zapped TO HELL! The last Chell remaining will be assumed to be the real Chell." I'm sure you don't wanna sit through 40+ hours of Chells slowly taking their hands off the three portal device one by one, so I will tell you a story of something that happened in my dream the other day. So my pet cat was lured into my room, eyeing the model roller coaster car intently like a piece of prey. The cat licked its lips. We also had a pet dog. The cat hissed at the dog when it came in my room. The dog whimpered as if to say "I'm sorry." The cat hesitated pelting away and looked back at the dog. Would friendship be possible. Just then the dog extended a paw. The cat extended its own paw and they shook on it. They danced to "Loveeeeee Song" by Rihanna feat. Future.

Eventually, finally, one Chell remained.

"Wooohoooo!" the mane 6 cheered.

The last Chell exited Equestria via hot air balloon, along with her "parents" and was confronted with Wheatley again.

(Insert entirety of Chapter 9: The Part Where He Kills You.)

After the fight with Wheatley:

"WHAT THE?" Everything was getting sucked into the portal that Chell made.

"LET GO! WE'RE IN SPACE!" Wheatley demanded.

"SPACE. SPAAAAACE!" Space Core flew out. Except this wasn't the moon. This was Equestria.

"I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this."

"I already fixed it, and you are not coming back." GLaDOS said.

"Oh no. Change of plans." GLaDOS cut the cord, sending Wheatley flying into Equestria shouting "GRAB ME GRAB ME GRAB ME!"

Credits. Then…

"I wish I could take it all back and say "I'm sorry." Because I AM NOT A BRONY! K** PONIES! I applaud the author for putting them in a human centipede crossover."

Back on Earth, Chell's head randomly fell off.


End file.
